Have you ever had one of those moments when you heard (or seen) bad news, something that hit your nerve pretty deeply, and you wanted to murder the person(s)in question without skipping a beat? I have to admit I’m not the most innocent person when it comes to yelling at the top of my voice for hours on end, but I rarely, if ever, want to include a physical violence.
Anyway, that’s exactly how I felt. Since this is too personal to give the details, let me just say that I felt back-stabbed by a family member in a wider sense of the word. And believe me when I tell you that I never felt so much anger in my body. It was literally cramping and shivering from the intensity of that emotion.
Since it was late I couldn’t execute my plan (ok, I wouldn’t, in any case), I needed something to occupy my mind. I needed something to calm me down enough until I decide what I wanted to do next. My hands reached out for my yarn stash and did something that I couldn’t explain to myself at the time:
They started designing a sock pattern.
As I knit row after row of socks and writing the pattern down, step by step, I felt the release of my hatred and anger. Does that mean that I’ll trust the person in question again? No. But playing with the yarn made me feel like the world was a beautiful place again and that I didn’t have to worry about anything at all, because everything will sort itself out eventually. I felt comfortable, as if someone had put a blanket over me and caressed my hair and kissed my head (I seriously need to find a boyfriend very soon).
The pattern will contain step by step in manageable chunks, as well as photos, and will be available for free on Ravelry. I’m also knitting a Saroyan scarf with very fine needles and yarn. Updates on that – soon.